Handling My Contradictions
One of the biggest difficulties I face with my bipolar is feeling like I am constantly contradicting myself. Managing hypomanic decisions when in a depressive episode feels overwhelming and creates a lot of anxiety, especially as I often find myself back-peddling on decisions and letting people down. But the lack of decisions made in a depressive episode then leads me to find myself frustrated, bored, and irritable when my mood is elevated. This means I always feel like I’m fighting a pattern of contradictory behaviour. I recently had a lower mood episode, finding myself struggling to get out of bed before nine even though I went to sleep at eight-thirty the night before, not wanting to walk the dog very far, struggling with motivation to clean the house. The side effects of my quetiapine do not help in this regard, causing constant fatigue, memory issues and brain fog. In a depressive episode, it genuinely feels like I cannot get my brain to work in a normal way, instead dissociat