Life as Cerys

Sharing body positive drawings, doodles, articles and posts does not make me positive towards my own body. Being ‘body positive’ has not aided me in finding any solace or comfort in my own shell, but instead I seem to encourage others to love themselves as though it is going to miraculously make  me  love myself.  Every day I thank my body for sustaining me, especially in recent weeks and months, but yet I still refuse to stand and look at myself in the mirror. I can’t actually remember the last time I went into a shop, tried on an item of clothing, and left the changing room with a smile on my face to buy the item. However, I do remember the years of standing in a changing room, an ill-fitting dress squeezing or hanging off my body, my eyes blurred with tears as I whimpered back to my mum that it ‘just doesn’t look right on me.’ After years of truly detesting myself and punishing my body for its natural fluctuations, I decided it was time to become ‘body posit...

28/06/22 Edit: Whilst this is no longer my current life situation, having dropped out of my Masters - something which I still struggle with accepting - this blog post, as it is my first, is still important. The message still remains: that I am forever learning how to live life at my own pace. I think this is especially important to keep as a post after my recent blog with Rethink Mental Illness discusses finally trying to come to terms with my 'success' and timeline being different to others. If you had told me in 2019 that I would have have made the conscious decision to leave paid employment to focus on my mental stability, wellbeing and recovery, I probably wouldn't have been surprised. But at the time, when I chose to start a Masters and continue to pursue a career that wasn't suitable for my wellbeing, you couldn't have told me otherwise. I guess there is nowhere better to start than with some reflection, even if it means you have to look back at your mistakes....